Feel an Unprepared Confusing Mixture of Joy, Sadness, Connection and Loss
Realization is when you’re constantly slapped in the face with the brutal reality of not being a part of your child’s life for several years. It is when you cry inconsolably for a child you abandoned many years ago. It is when you’re haunted by the fact that you’ve lost really big fragments of your child’s life and this is too much for you to accept. There is a time when you start looking for your loved ones and expect somebody really BIG to help you through it, somebody who can play a great role and organize a small but a much-needed reunion for you.
After decades of devouring a multitude of adoption stories and all those books discussing reunions, you prepare yourself and hope for an inevitable reunion with your child or with your birthparents. Once you’ve read all these stories or books, there will be one thing that you’ll clearly understand and it is that your reunion will include both overwhelming joy and unbearable sadness. You will be happy to know of successful reunions and you’ll be afraid to know of the most devastating rejections – just hoping yours to be a successful one. You think to yourself and try to be prepared for the outcome, but you will still be hoping that every thing new in your life is perfect now.
Finding your lost family members can truly be a collision of worlds and this is when you’ll be able to relinquish a way of life and walk into an entirely new world. This is when you’ll realize that both worlds can co-exist- the fantasy of the past and the real one who is in your present and future.
This is exactly when you’ll realize that your emotions have turned so intense because it is the “Birth” of a child you weren’t acquainted to and the “Death” of the one you had known all that while. You’ll soak in everything that they’ll tell you but that will also be so unbearably sad because you will now be picking up on each piece of information that you’ve missed in their life.
All you look for then is the platform which can promise to unite you to your loved ones; or somebody who can make sure that your reunion is a successful one, filled with the love of people, especially the ones thought you’ve lost for life.
“You’ll love and treasure both Birth and Death of One person, at the same time.”
